"They are thinking about sending me to Italy..." I will never forget the feeling that stirred in my stomach when I read that text message from the guy that I had only been dating for just a few short months. My heart started racing and a marathon of questions popped into my head. "Is he going to go?!" So now what?!" "Why now?!" "Are we going to stay together?!""Can I come?!" Instead of feverishly texting these questions and admitting my anxiety about the situation, I responded with a simple "WHAT?! That's AMAZING! What an incredible opportunity! When will you know for sure??" I mean, that was subtle enough right? I was excited and curious with no sign admitting my panic? After all, William and my relationship was still pretty new at the time and I didn't want to mess up this delicate blessing by saying the wrong thing. Lucky for me, William felt confident that our love was anything but fragile because our conversation quickly took a turn and we were somehow talking about our future together.
Although William and I fell in love hard and fast, we both wanted take our time and not let the military direct the pace of our love story. We wanted to enjoy the newness of our puppy love without the stress and pressure of planning a wedding or an international move just yet. We made a promise to be fully present over the next year and it quickly became the best year of my life. We grew more and more in love every day and life just seemed easier to handle with my best friend by my side. As the end of the year approached, it became more and more difficult to ignore the fact that William would be leaving soon and we would be apart for an unknown amount of time. That December, almost a year after receiving the news about Italy, he officially popped the question in my hometown in front of my family and closest friends. I have never been so sure about a decision in my entire life, so obviously, I said "YES!" and we spent the next few weeks celebrating the beginning of a new chapter together before his orders quickly approached in January of 2018.
Photo Credit: Tina Keane Photo
After a month of celebrations, the dreaded day came and we said "see you later" without knowing for how long. The mix of excitement for the future and the fear of the unknown was overwhelming, but we both knew that our forever was worth the wait no matter how long it would take to begin. Shortly after William arrived in Italy, we found out that we would spend more than 200 apart before he could fly home for our wedding. He would not have any time off of work until the summer and I knew that realistically, I would not be able to visit him.
Here are some of the most helpful things that got us through our 8 months apart:
Leaning on God and Trusting His Plan
Growing our personal relationships with God during our time apart was without a doubt the most helpful tool in staying positive even on our toughest days. Learning to consistently prioritize prayer helped us build a solid foundation of faith leading up to our marriage and helped us keep our eyes on the bigger picture.
Keeping the Romance Alive
4,300 miles and a 6 hour time difference can definitely make things tough on a relationship. Thankfully, we live in a time where texting and video chatting exists and we can feel connected from all around the world. However, even with the convenience of these communication channels, making our loved ones feel special when we aren't together isn't always the easiest thing. Here are 5 ways to feel connected to your partner even when you aren't together:
Schedule virtual dates! Be sure to stay present and avoid distractions during your quality time together.
Keep each other updated! Help your partner feel included by sharing your life moments with them - exciting or boring!
Use your words! Get emotional and write out how you feel. Even when we know how much someone loves us, it just feels good to be reminded with some sweet talk.
Send thoughtful gifts! Even if your special someone tells you "they aren't a gift person," they are! We all love to know that our person was thinking about us.
Virtual kisses! I know it may sound silly, but intimacy is an important part of any relationship. Virtual smooches usually lead to giggles and sighs, but they remind you of the real thing and give you something to look forward to when you're reunited.
Reminiscing
Reflecting on our memories together was something that we immediately started doing after William left for Italy. Within a week, we created an Instagram account to look back at our journey and have all of our photos stored in one place. The account quickly became a space for us to relive our love story one post at a time. It may seem strange, but keeping our memories alive by sharing these stories somehow eased some of the heartache that we felt from being so far away from each other.
We obviously know that creating an Instagram account isn’t everyone’s thing, so don’t feel discouraged if you don't plan on borrowing our strategy. No matter what your outlet of choice may be, we definitely think that finding a way to celebrate the joy of your highs, is a great way to drown out the lows.
We'd love to hear what you come up with: E-mail us at unitedwestanley@gmail.com!
Spending Time with Family and Friends
We’d like to take a moment to thank our family and friends for their relentless love & unconditional support throughout this challenging year. We depended on you all more than ever to get us through through the distance, the major transitions in both of our careers, the wedding planning and every emotional rollercoaster. We will never forget your words of encouragement, positive reassurance and shared wisdom that kept us going.
To anyone who is new to long distance or military life, we encourage you to allow yourself to lean on other people. Having a strong support system got us through some really emotional days.
Staying Busy
This one may seem obvious, but after a few months apart, our motivation was at an all time low. Having responsibilities and being around people who kept us accountable was a huge help for us. Our advice? Find a routine and stick to it. Make to-do lists and knock out tasks that make you proud. It's funny how hard it is to feel sorry for yourself when you actually feel productive!
Being Sensitive, Patient and Kind
The truth is, no matter how gentle and tolerant you are, long distance and military life will test your emotional endurance. We are human. We make mistakes and we get angry and that’s okay, but love is defined by how we treat each other during our weakest moments. True love is tenderness, forgiveness and understanding. It's holding each other close in the best moments, and pulling each other even closer in the tough ones. Love was never meant to be easy. God designed it to point out our flaws, challenge us to address them and then reshape us into a better versions of ourselves. When things get hard, and they certainly will, just remember: It's you two vs. the problem, not you two vs. each other.
We've heard people say that long distance relationships and military life are not the kinds of things that you can really plan or prepare for. Although we agree that you may never fully understand certain situations until you are in them, we believe that any difficult challenge is easier to take on if you enter it ready and determined with a positive attitude. We know that there are some things that we encountered during our time apart that we could've handled much better than we did and we definitely don't claim to have all of the answers. But, the thought that sharing our experiences and our advice could possibly make things easier on another couple inspires us to share our story. We hope someday, someone will look at us and say, "because of you two, we didn’t give up."
Photo Credit: Leigh Anne Brader Photography
If you are looking for more support or just want to say "hey!" please message us! We are always here to answer any questions and would love to hear from you!
Love, Britt & Will
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