I'm not sure what I used to think about what it was like to be a military spouse. Probably because I didn't think about it much at all. I didn't grow up in a military family and I'm embarrassed to say that before I met William, I honestly assumed that many women who married into the military often sought out the opportunity so that they could quit their day jobs, travel the world and rely on their husbands income. Without a doubt, being a military spouse has been one of the greatest gifts that God has ever given me. But not for the reasons people might think. Although being an army wife does come with it's perks, I wanted to set the record straight for the people out there who may have the same misconceptions that I once did about the life that we spouses live while we are supporting our soldier's decision to sacrifice their (and sometimes our family's) time and freedom to protect America's. Here's what I've learned:
This Is Not a Role That You Can Prepare For
No matter how independent you are, or how much you plan ahead, you CANNOT predict where life is going to take you and your family in the military. As someone who lives by my planner and used to plan events for a living, this has been an extremely hard transition for me. This life will strip you of all of your control and constantly challenge your ability to react and adapt to the unexpected which can make or break your sanity, your marriage, and your faith. This may sound scary and I won't sugar coat it, it is. But the beautiful thing is that there are opportunities for growth around every corner and you will never return home the same person you were before. I like to think that God led us to become military spouses to reshape and refine us in the best way.
It Will Test Your Endurance
I think life in the military honestly just highlights what life in general will inevitably throw at you, it just all happens all at once and never seems to slow down. There are problems to solve daily and you'll hear a lot of people say "it feels like I can't catch a break." But through the chaos, we learn to be patient, understanding, and resilient and are expected to run through the fire, not away from it. When our families and friends back home ask "how have you been?" or "what's new?" we will rarely have nothing to report. We always have a lot going on and crazy starts to feel normal. Our soldiers lean on us and depend on our strength more than we think we can handle sometimes, but I believe God hand picked us because He knew that we could.
You Will Learn To Lean On Other People
Our culture has taught us to handle things on our own, but the Bible tells us over and over again that alone is not the way. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 I will be the first to admit that I have never been one to ask for favors, because I know that we all have our own crosses to bear and I don't ever want to inconvenience anyone. (I am still working on this.) But something that being an army wife has shed some light on for me, is how important community truly is. When our husbands are away, our cars break down, our kids and pets get sick, our appliances stop working and it seems like life just throws one curveball after the next. Together is the only way and I'm so thankful for this important life lesson I have learned in this chapter.
Distance Actually DOES Make The Heart Grow Fonder
I know this is a bit of a cliche, but I whole heartedly believe that the distance and time I have spent away from my husband has brought us closer together. It's easy to fall into routines in marriage and parenthood, so time to reflect on how much you truly depend on each other is nothing other than a gift from above. Being away from each other improves your communication, keeps intimacy sacred and appreciated, and teaches you to wait, discern and forgive. Don't get me wrong, William and I hate being away from each other, but we are more present when we are together because we know that our time with each other is so precious and we are usually preparing for our next time apart.
God Is In Total Control
Our generation tends to put God on hold while we glorify self-sufficiency, celebrate rebellion and boast about our own accomplishments. We chase happiness and fulfillment and call it "following our purpose." But what if life isn't really about what we can do to fulfill our purpose at all, but instead is about what He can do by using us to fulfill His? One of the best quotes I've heard recently is that God designed us and marriage in His image to make us holy, not happy. I think that this quote is hard to hear for most of us, but it's really important in understanding what God intends for our lives and really makes a whole lot of sense to me as a soldier's wife.
Since William and I committed our hearts to each other, I have learned A LOT. But, most of the lessons that I have learned about myself, true partnership, and God have happened after becoming a wife and a step mom and packing up my things and moving to another country with our love being the only thing I was really sure about. Before I met my husband, I was a fiercely independent boss-lady-artist-entrepreneur with an "I don't need no man" attitude. I was honestly terrified when I started to fall in love with William because early on, I was worried that I would eventually lose my identity like I had in the past. I had worked hard to get to a place where I didn't need to depend on anyone except myself for inner peace and I was extremely proud of my career, my social life and the organizations that I was involved in. But that's how I know God has a funny sense of humor. Because even when things seem to be going great in our lives, God finds ways to remind us that we aren't designed to do this life prideful and alone.
I truly believe that this military life has always been His plan for me to shape me into the woman He created me to be and it has made me aware of some of the things I've always struggled with. I wouldn't trade any of the challenges in this role or the love in my life for anything and I'm beyond inspired to see what He has planned for us next. I pray that anyone facing adversity as a military spouse or in life in general can find God in the turmoil, and find a way to grow closer to him and each other. Thanks for listening as always, and for providing an outlet for me to talk through these thoughts with y'all. I am forever grateful.
All the Glory to God,
Britt
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