So here's the truth, y'all; Marriage is hard. That's right, we said it, and we aren't afraid to talk about it. Let us start off by emphasizing that we love being married. It is absolutely amazing to wake up next to your best friend every day and have a permanent partner that makes even the most mundane parts of life more fun and exciting. We love each other to the core on our best days and our worst, and no matter how angry we are at each other, we still make time to thank God for this love and this life.
As hard as it can be to admit, the reality is that married life can be challenging, stressful and frustrating at times. Personally, we think that this is something more people need to hear. Our generation grew up watching unrealistic standards of happily ever afters on t.v. while simultaneously seeing the divorce rates rise around us. We saw the marriages of our parents and our friends parents fail one after the other and it made our generation wonder if the true love we were seeing in the fairytales even existed. Thankfully, in our case, God led us to each other and showed us that marriage is more about Him than it is about us. Together, we have learned that life is hard and "adulting" is complicated, so saying "I do" is not as simple as expecting everything to be perfect after riding off into the sunset. Marriage is about love, honor and commitment. It’s about responsibility, sacrifice, patience and forgiveness. It’s about having your spouse push you out of your comfort zones and challenge you to become a better version of yourself every single day. It’s about growing together and learning to navigate life united as one after years of making decisions on your own. The great news is that although marriage may not be all sunshine and rainbows, we believe that as a reflection of God’s unconditional, unwavering love for us, marriage in real life is even more romantic than the stories they told us in the fairytales.
A Cord of Three Strands is Not Easily Broken | Ecclesiastes 4:12
So now that we can all agree that marriage takes work, how do we grow? Well, it's obviously not a simple solution and as we always say, we don't claim to have the secret to happiness. From the beginning of our relationship, we have always made an effort to identify and work on each of our own negative tendencies in order to grow closer to God and to each other, but even with the best intentions, life happens and stress happens and we can lose focus on our priorities. In fact, leading up to the New Year, we had actually been praying for some guidance on how to handle stress and conflict within our marriage with more dignity and grace. And just like that in His perfect timing, we were presented with an opportunity to join a Military Couple's Bible Study Group and no joke, the first homework assignment was for each of us to take a Enneagram Test that helped identify the positive and negative characteristics of our personality type. Since discovering our Enneagram Types, we have been able to approach our day to day lives differently. Its seems silly to think that something as simple as an online test could affect our marriage, but we kid you not, it truly has made a difference for us!
Let's break it down: The Enneagram is an ancient body of wisdom that identifies nine core personality types and how each sees and interacts with the world. It is one of the most powerful and insightful tools for understanding ourselves and other and helps us to see ourselves at a deeper, more objective level that is designed to assist us on our path to self-knowledge. The results did an amazing job at highlighting our talents, quirks and motivations while also at pointing out our anxieties, addictions, and fears. The results also show you how you tend to interact with other types and how you can help or hurt each other. All in all, we were pretty mind blown that this simple test had us so figured out. So much so, that we needed to share! We'll post our results below in case you're curious, but we suggest you take the quiz before reading about us! You can take the Enneagram Test here. To read more about your specific type, click on your result here.
Britt's Result: The Enthusiast
The Busy, Variety-Seeking Type: Spontaneous, Versatile, Acquisitive, and Scattered
Type Seven in Brief: Sevens are extroverted, optimistic, versatile, and spontaneous. Playful, high-spirited, and practical, they can also misapply their many talents, becoming over-extended, scattered, and undisciplined. They constantly seek new and exciting experiences, but can become distracted and exhausted by staying on the go. They typically have problems with impatience and impulsiveness. At their Best: they focus their talents on worthwhile goals, becoming appreciative, joyous, and satisfied.
Basic Fear: Of being deprived and in pain
Basic Desire: To be satisfied and content—to have their needs fulfilled
Enneagram Seven with a Six-Wing: "The Entertainer
Enneagram Seven with an Eight-Wing: "The Realist"
Key Motivations: Wants to maintain their freedom and happiness, to avoid missing out on worthwhile experiences, to keep themselves excited and occupied, to avoid and discharge pain.
The Meaning of the Arrows (in brief): When moving in their Direction of Disintegration (stress), scattered Sevens suddenly become perfectionistic and critical at One. However, when moving in their Direction of Integration (growth), gluttonous, scattered Sevens become more focused and fascinated by life, like healthy Fives. Learn more about the arrows.
Will's Result: The Performer/Achiever
The Success-Oriented, Pragmatic Type: Adaptable, Excelling, Driven, and Image-Conscious
Threes are self-assured, attractive, and charming. Ambitious, competent, and energetic, they can also be status-conscious and highly driven for advancement. They are diplomatic and poised, but can also be overly concerned with their image and what others think of them. They typically have problems with workaholism and competitiveness. At their Best: self-accepting, authentic, everything they seem to be—role models who inspire others.
Basic Fear: Of being worthless
Basic Desire: To feel valuable and worthwhile
Enneagram Three with a Two-Wing: "The Charmer"
Enneagram Three with a Four-Wing: "The Professional"
Key Motivations: Wants to be affirmed, to distinguish themselves from others, to have attention, to be admired, and to impress others.
The Meaning of the Arrows (in brief): When moving in their Direction of Disintegration (stress), driven Threes suddenly become disengaged and apathetic at Nine. However, when moving in their Direction of Integration (growth), vain, deceitful Threes become more cooperative and committed to others, like healthy Sixes. Learn more about the arrows.
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